The sun is shining brightly out of my window. I can feel the sunbeam come straight from my eyes to my heart. But there is no warmth. I’m still really cold.
After the first remedy, I never feel any better. Everyone warned me not to move anywhere. Even a little cut may deprive my life.
“My honey,” Mommy said to me with manful spirit in her eyes. “Please go on, you’re strong enough, you’re brave enough to live on!”
“Don’t worry,” I smiled, “I’m Ok, Mommy, I’ll never give up.” Mommy smiled as return after hearing my words.
But how can I go on? I am the biggest criminal in my family! It’s I who have spent each penny in my family which was made yb my parents for their whole lives. It’s my blood cancer that made my parents become old overnight, but they still have to smile and encourage me though they’re being killed by the much more sorrow than I am. How can I still live in this family? How can I still live in the world?
In fact, we have had no money to pay for the second remedy. I don’t know why I have to be paid so much to keep the little time in my life. It’s really unnecessary.
Severe pain is killing me. I want to stop. I don’t want to be the criminal. I don’t want to leave the world with an empty family and hopeless parents. I don’t want to be the heavy burden of my family of my world in my last days.
I suddenly feel the wall coming to me. All is black. I passed out again. I don’t know how many times I pass out and revive. I hope, I wish this is the last time.
A familiar song comes to my clear mind:
“Mama, you gave life to me,turned a baby into a lady;Mama, all I have to offer was a guarantee of you loving me…
Good-bye is the saddest word I’ve ever heard,Good-bye is the last time I can hold you day you’ll say that word and I will cry,It will break my heart to hear you say we meet again, until than good-bye.”
I don’t know if I’m still alive. But I’m sure I could see the drops of tears coming from Mommy’s eyes and she is smiling. She said to me: “ Baby, I know you’re leaving, I know I can’t stop you from leaving me. Take care of yourself whether you’re in the human world or not. I will always- love – you!”
