Growing up in a modest village in China，I hardly ever had the chance to see many examples of modern technology;people who dig wells by hand to obtain drinking water and use ox-driven plows to cultivate their fields dont have much use for televisions and personal computers。 But when my father gave me an old radio to play with，I wanted nothing more than to take apart the contraption and see what inside made such interesting sounds。Sitting on the floor with a confused grin，surrounded by wires and metal， I looked up at my father and asked where the noises were...
合理地闡述了申請者學習電子工程的'動機，學習動機是評審委員非常看中的。同時，讀了這段文字，會使讀者沉浸在對童年往事的美好回憶裏，藉此打動評審委員的心。
另外一篇修改過的文章開頭用詩一般的語言寫道：
I first read this paragraph from Madame Curie as a 14-year-old child， and I still remember how wonderful I felt.I remember thinking，What esteemed men they were!How hard they worked! As I grew older，this paragraph became a source of encouragement in the face of adversity。I begin to feel a magical blue light twinkling in my heart，kindling a love of science，and encouraging me to charge bravely into the unknown world.
