那些不認同我們的人贈與我們最棒的禮物，就是讓我們更清楚地瞭解自己是什麼樣的人，以及我們的做人標準。如果爲了獲取認同而開始改變自我，最終必會迷失自我……
放棄放棄你的人
It is fascinating how often we crave the acceptance and approval of those who won't accept us. It is an unhealthy pattern to continually pursue people who reject us. We do this because we see our lovability as directly related to their approval so we keep trying to be "better" or "do more." We do this so we can approve of ourselves through another person's approval of us, as if their approval finally makes us good enough. The healthiest way out of this pattern is to look at why we deeply believe we need the acceptance of those people. Do they determine our worth? Should we have to prove ourselves all the time only to hear we are not measuring up? If so, we are not picking the right people to have relationships with.
我們常常渴望獲得他人的贊同與認可，這件事很有趣。不斷糾纏拒絕我們的人是種不健康的模式，因爲我們將自己的吸引力直接與他們的認可掛鉤，所以我們一直試圖成爲更好的自己，或爲他們做得更多來獲得贊同，這同樣也會改善自我感覺，就好像是他們的認可讓我們變得足夠好。走出這種模式的最佳方式就是審視爲什麼我們堅定地認爲自己需要他們的認可。難道他們決定了我們的'價值?難道只有一直被告知自己不夠完美才能證明自己?如果這樣，那就是擇友失誤。
5 realities about people
關於人際的五大事實
1. Some just aren't going to like us: In life, we should count on the fact there will be a certain percentage of people we meet who just won't like us. Instead of resisting this, simply accept it. Not everyone is going to like us, and in the bigger picture, it really doesn't matter. Keep in mind when someone doesn't like us it has much more to do with who they are then with who we are.
總會有人不喜歡我們。在生活中我們得相信這樣一個事實：我們所遇到的人中，有一部分是不會喜歡我們的。對於這個事實，不要反抗，接受即可。雖然不是每個人都會喜歡我們，但從宏觀上看，這沒什麼大不了。記住，有人不喜歡我們這件事更多與他們本人有關。
Move on and stop trying to change their opinion. It won't matter to them how great we are or how much we do for them. They will have no problem taking what we give, but it likely won't change if they like us or not.
繼續生活，別妄圖改變他們的想法。對他們來說，我們有多好，爲他們付出多少並不重要。談論付出並不難，可是他們是否會喜歡我們這件事不會改變。
2. Others don't determine our worth: We as individual determine our own worth. We must invest deeply in ourselves because if we don't no one else will. When we are pursuing people who consistently reject and hurt us we are going against ourselves.
別人不能決定我們的價值。自身價值由自己定義，自己若不投資自己，別人更不會。追求那些不停地拒絕並傷害我們的人就是違背自己的本性。
Personal investment means we leave toxic people out of our lives for the purpose of being able to rise to the heights we need to reach personally. If we have people trying to bring us down, keep in mind that it only means they are already below us.
個人投資就是爲了能夠達到必要的高度而遠離對我們有害的人。如果有人想要擊垮我們，這隻意味着他們已經不如我們。
3. It is a waste of emotional energy: When we continue to work hard to receive the acceptance and approval we want and get the same rejection again and again, we have to come to a point where we realize we are wasting our emotional energy.
情緒能量的浪費。如果我們持續去獲取期望的認可，但卻一次次遭到拒絕，那就需要意識到這是在浪費情緒能量。
At some point it is best to accept that whoever we trying to impress is not going to come our way and will continue to keep us at a distance. Let them be. We have to respect ourselves enough to move on and put our energy into relationships which support us and that are mutually beneficial.
有時候，我們得接受事實，不管我們想打動誰，事情不會按我們預期發展，他們也會繼續與我們保持距離，所以，隨他們去吧。我們要有尊嚴地繼續生活，把精力投入到積極且互惠的關係中。
4. It is more powerful to let go: Whatever we force we push away. It is law. When we fight for something that isn't going to happen we begin to look and feel foolish. Never confuse forgiveness with foolishness. The most powerful thing we can do is rise above the situation and untangle our self-worth from the person we believe we need approval from.
放手才更強大。不論放手什麼，這就是規則。爲不可能的事情而奮鬥會使我們看上起很愚蠢。不要把寬容和愚蠢混淆。我們能做的最強大的事就是克服這種狀況，將自我價值從他人的肯定中解放。
We have to have the courage to trust we can determine our value all on our own. There is nothing more powerful than the pure acceptance of knowing when something or someone isn't good for us, even when we desperately want them to be, and we can let go.
我們必須有勇氣，相信自我能決定自己的價值。若境況不利，或希冀人事相助時能選擇放手，那世上沒有什麼比這純粹的坦然更爲強大了。
When we let go of people like this we stop participating in their sickness, we leave their audience and are released from their negative influence. We respect ourselves enough to stop giving to these people and move on to those who can love and adore us in return. They are out there, and probably in our lives now, but we may be so focused on getting these unattainable people to approve of us that we are missing what is right before our eyes.
當我們放棄這些人時，就跳出了他們病態的思維，不再充當觀衆，從他們的消極影響中解脫，充分尊重自我，停止付出，轉向那些同樣喜歡我們的人。他們就在那裏，或許已經出現在我們的生命中，只是我們太過專注於追求那些難以取悅的人們，以至於錯失眼前人。
5. Who cares! People are just people: People are people they are not "powers" unless we make them into powers. Let those who reject us make US more powerful. We can use these people for inspiration and motivation to live out our purpose with an even stronger vengeance. We can use our hurt or anger over their lack of approval as fuel for our own personal quest for divine happiness and success in life.
人皆凡人，不要在意。除非我們給與他權利，否則大家都是平凡人。讓那些拒絕我們的人去把美國建設地更強大吧!我們可以把這些人當做鼓勵與動力，加倍地去實現自己的目標;將傷痛與怒氣作爲個人追求幸福與成功的燃料。
We make the internal agreement to never let another oppress us and keep us down. We are our own person and there are going to be plenty of others who will see us and love us for who we are.
我們要在內心與自己和解，不讓他人壓制限制自己。我們就是我們，世界上還有很多人因爲我們的本來面目而關注並喜愛我們。
The greatest gift people who don't approve of us give us is a more defined idea of who we are and who we choose to be. If we start changing who we are to gain approval, we lose ourselves. As we rub up against these people we can see they challenge us to hold even tighter to our true essence. They force us to choose courage over fear to live out and be exactly who we are, not who we think they want us to be.
那些不認同我們的人贈與我們最棒的禮物，就是讓我們更清楚地瞭解自己是什麼樣的人，以及我們的做人標準。如果爲了獲取認同而開始改變自我，最終必會迷失自我。當我們遇到這類人時，他們會加倍考驗我們，對我們的本性要求更爲嚴格。他們迫使我們戰勝恐懼去做自己，而非我們所認爲的他們想讓我們成爲什麼樣子。
