2017年劍橋商務英語初級寫作範文指導

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2017年劍橋商務英語初級寫作範文指導

  作文題目

You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.

Write a memo of 40-50 words:

informing staff of the shutdown

telling them when it will happen

asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.

  老師提示:

商務寫作中遵循的原則是:簡潔,精確,禮貌。在考試中或者工作中,格式基本已經 給出,所以只需要我們寫正文即可。正文中我們寫作要做到選詞精當,一針見血,語法正確,不出低級錯誤的句子。備忘錄屬於半正式的.文體寫作,所以在句子選擇上可以適當放寬,不必太正式。

  作文一:

MEMORANDUM

from : Tom TO : all staff

date : 25/8

Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .

I think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3]

  名師修改意見:

[1]Business writing 中儘量少使用... 這樣的結構,看起來不夠專業,改爲:As we plan to upgrade.....

[2]有中式英文的痕跡:我要求你們。。。。改爲:please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.

[3]這不能算作accident, 既然已經計劃好了。整句去掉。換成thank you.

  作文二:

From: office manager

To: all staff

Subject: the company system

I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]

Thank you.[5]

  名師修改意見:

[1]去掉這個開頭,直接用被動語態開頭。

[2]去掉,多餘了。

[3]如果你不能保證用長複句可以表達清楚,那麼建議換成短句吧。拆成幾個短句也許表達更貼切呢。

[4]這句話看起來非常不清楚,主語在哪裏?please 的後面是嗎?改成:please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.

[5]另換一行

  作文三:

Dear all:

The file system will shtudown [1]due to system maintainance next Friday.

It will take a full day to finish this job.[2]

Please do not acccess the [3]file server that day and backup your files one it[4].

  名師修改意見:

[1]夠幹練了,語法錯誤多。 Be shut down

[2]去掉

[3]Access to

[4]On it?

  作文四:

From: office Manager

To: all staff

Subject: upgarde of computer system

As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them [1]on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day.

  名師修改意見:

[1]第一: 不要重複使用前面已經用過的詞;第二:指代錯誤,前面說的system 是單數,怎麼到這裏變成了them? 合成一句:as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.