多文化社會的優缺點雅思大作文點評

Multi-cultural societies are mixtures of ethnic groups. To what extent do you think the advantages of multi-cultural societies outweigh the disadvantages?

多文化社會的優缺點雅思大作文點評

Multi-cultural(這是形容詞,怎麼作主語了?!) has been brought to spotlight recently, as a prevailing phenomenon nowadays(多餘) that the countries on the earth are becoming more and more exchanged(這個句子很晦澀,as在這裏是作連詞嗎?如果是的.話,它應該引導一個句子,那麼後面只有that引導的同位語從句,卻沒有主句的謂語動詞了!!!)le at every corner to share and enjoy the same spiritual life together, which not only promote a climate of peace and prosperity but also enrich the city life and broaden the horizons of human beings. Such a trend has both merits and demerits although, as for me, the former prevails over the latter obviously. (80words)

  結構分析:前面寫了n句話,都是在引題,但是內容顯得有點囉嗦。最後一句是作者的觀點,即主題句,寫得還行。

 語言方面句型是很多,錯誤就更多了!!!大家要注意,拿高分必須要有一定量的句型,但是如果連基本的句子都寫不對就去大膽寫長句的話,結果可能更慘!!!此段,雖然明顯看得出作者掌握了一定的句型,可是似乎掌握的還不是特別好,基本上都有錯,這就使得,現在這篇文章最高的起評分只有5分!!!得不償失啊!!!